From burnout to balance (and how a coach can help)
Have you ever felt like you were a candle burning at three ends, knowing full well that candles only have two? That burning feeling could be a sign you are getting perilously close to burnout yourself.
As always, this coaching column is inspired by writing about what I know. I hope some part of my story resonates with you.
Many stressors lead to burnout. Here are a few recent stressors of my own:
- I’m caring for aging parents
- I’m supporting young adult children as they step into the world from the safe nest of home
- I spend a significant amount of time traveling to serve KU PMC clients throughout Kansas, the Midwest, and beyond
- I am bringing to life a long-time dream by launching a personal business
While each of these items individually is extremely fulfilling, I reached a point last year where the combination of ALL of them collectively felt extremely overwhelming. I felt like a candle burning at all three ends.
My story. My need for a shift.
Last spring I found myself driving every month to spend time with my mom in assisted living in another state while waiting for a vacancy to open up near me. Unfortunately, the night before we were set to move mom to Lawrence, she ended up in the ICU. It was on one of the subsequent trips driving the 4 hours back & forth to visit her in ICU (and then driving back to help my daughter get ready for her senior prom before going back again) that I realized something needed to shift. Luckily when I’m behind the wheel with the road unfurling in front of me, my brain does its most creative thinking, and so I thought about what I really wanted.
I thought deeply about my values and what I needed to be able to live them fully. I wanted to be there for mom, be there for my daughter and son, and still have fun with my spouse. I wanted to be a good teammate and be able to pull my weight. I wanted to be sure I could be grounded and fully present as a coach. And I still needed to have something left for me. I wasn’t sure where the time was going to come from, but I knew for sure that I needed more time and space to breathe.
I asked my boss to help me think creatively. After considering all the angles, including the importance of my values, and the needs of the team, we agreed to design a partial off-ramp strategy resulting in a reduced appointment. This would give me back 1 day per week (at reduced pay of course). I just needed to allow the team 6 months to adjust.
And let me tell you…I can’t even begin to explain how much of a difference this made in my outlook, in my effectiveness, in my health, in my energy level, and in my smile.
Practical tips and tactics support resilience. Experiment to find the ones that work best for you.
- Learn how to feel stress in your body and understand those signals as needs.
- Define your boundaries and limits. With your team. With loved ones. With social media.
- Rather than feel stuck, get creative. Reevaluate. Reduce. Delegate. Negotiate.
- Request what you need from others. Invite them to help you think creatively.
- Offer a challenge to yourself.
- Ask: “what if I put myself first?”
- Design morning and evening routines that help you do that.
- In the morning ask: “what do I need to be at my best today?”
- In the evening ask: “did I get the most important things done today? do I have a plan to reschedule the rest?”
- Give yourself grace.
- Aim to do one small thing “more than before.”
- Feel the difference.
If all of this feels overwhelming and you would like support in designing YOUR strategies to move from burnout to balance, your first small thing is to set up an intro call with me! I’m looking forward to it.
Assistant Director of Consulting and Coaching Services
KU Public Management Center